I spend my life changing software, so why do I feel so uncomfortable with change?

A few weeks ago, we moved house.

The move made complete sense: nicer area, better life for the kids, more space (on paper!) and a chance to make it our own.

Everyone kept telling me how great it was, and maybe they were right! But if I'm being honest, I didn't feel that way.

I missed the old house more than I ever expected - it wasn't just bricks and mortar; It was where my children came home for the first time, it was where my nan visited before she passed away, and it was where our dogs spent their golden years.

Every room had a memory attached to it - a happy house with wonderful memories that I will always look back on fondly.

I've found myself wondering why I've struggled with the move so much, but then I remembered it wasn't just the house, it's change in general that I struggle with - possibly part of dyslexia? Maybe. Or my dyspraxia? Again, possibly.

All I know is that I've always struggled with change and uncertainty. Over the years I've tried to embrace it and push myself to get over it by trying new things. Sure, they scare the hell out of me, but that's how we grow, isn't it? Or at least that's what we're told.

What makes it even stranger is that I spend my working life helping organisations embrace change!

I've worked on migrations from legacy platforms, major CMS upgrades, cloud projects and complete rebuilds. I regularly recommend replacing systems that no longer meet today's needs. I enjoy refactoring code. I love simplifying complicated solutions. Change is part of the job.

Heck, I've even worked in an organisation that helps other companies transform.

So, why do I struggle so much with change in my personal life? Is it because, with software, I can control the change, whereas in life I can't control the outcome? Possibly!

Deep down, I think it's because software and people value different things.

Software doesn't remember where it came from. It has no memories. It doesn't care that a class has existed for ten years or that a database has been running since 2012. If there's a better design, we change it - legacy spaghetti code excluded.

People aren't like that - we don't just leave behind a building when we move. We leave behind routines, memories and the little things we've stopped noticing over the years.

Sadly, we can't migrate those in the back of a removal van.

It's made me realise that, as developers, we often see change as something that's inherently positive. We talk about improvements, upgrades and modernisation because, technically, they usually are; but not every change feels like an improvement on day one.

Here's to the future, and looking forward to the refactor of my life!